Life as I now know it

About me

Name: Stella Burkhart
I am a single mother of a fabulous three year old boy. Sometimes it feels like we barely stay afloat but I have loved every minute of being his mother. I also like going to see live music. Some of my favorite bands include The Grateful Dead, Phish, Keller Williams, The Recipe, The Allman Brothers Band etc. I try to live simply, be kind, and help others.

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Sunday, April 23, 2006

Flip Flop Swap Shop

I find myself confused.

It felt so good, so very good

My early morning delight.

So wonderfully different than

Than the usual boring routine

I would find next door.

I have been refreshed by the

Different Angle I have found

In my Friday home.

So genuine and appreciative,

Honest and kind.

So hungry for passion, energy,

We fell into each other.

But at what cost, was it just one night?

Flip Flop Swap Shop,

Why not?

I'd realized...

I didn't really have anything to lose.

posted by: stellaburkhart at April 23, 2006 18:58 | link | comments |

Monday, April 03, 2006

Waiting Out the Storm

Tangled up in life I search for kind souls. Winters lingering presence tempts me to break out further than usual. My path has never been the obvious one, never the main drag. I take the road less traveled. The path is sometimes uncharted and I have to fight my way through the wilderness to get to my next resting point. When I'm in that murky darkness it is hard to stay true to myself, to what I know. I am susceptable to temptation and greed, vulnerable to men that don't suit me. As soon as I approach a clearing I come back to my senses but often it is too late to just flee the ghosts of the wilderness. Feelings of sadness seem to be gripping my spirit... I'm not sure if this sadness is from self pity or if I am just saddened that a sprit I thought to be so bright would be capable of cutting me so deep. Either way I am exhausted and feel like hibernation.

posted by: stellaburkhart at April 03, 2006 15:42 | link | comments |

Hurt Feelings

I try as hard as I can to stay positive, to be kind, compassionate, loving. I try my best to surround myself with similar minded people. For that reason it is really a bump in the road when I find myself in a hostile environment. This weekend I caught wind that my lover described me as someone he wasn't attracted to but just liked hanging out with. Not only does this hurt my feelings because I was a little more invested in the relationship than that, but how horrible to think that we could be laying in bed as lovers when he isn't attracted to me. How does that even work? I'm not even the one who iniates sex most of the time. I feel ugly and unwanted, but mostly just so disappointed that I even eneded up in a situation like this. That I would share myself with someone capable of hurting my feelings like this disgusts me. I feel betrayed, used and cheated. I know that obviously he's just "not that into me" and that I need to run, not walk away from the situation. I just wish I hadn't gotten so comfortable where I was so it would be easier. :-(

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